Monday, May 17, 2010
Safewords: Why Some Slaves and Masters Like Them, and Some Don’t. Why Some Slaves and Masters Need Them and Use Them, and Others Don’t.
What are safe words? During D/s play they are a word used to signify the need for cessation of activities on behalf of the submissive. They are not to be ignored if it is agreed that they will be used. Why can’t we just say “stop” during D/s? Because, during some D/s role-play, the submissive begging for mercy or begging for the punishment or humiliation to stop is part of the scene and part of the desired activities, so a safe word is the only sure way to know when the sub is no longer involved in role play and needs to stop the pain or punishment from continuing, or at least from continuing at that intensity. Does everyone use safewords? No. Some people don’t use them because they don’t beg during the scene so when they say stop they mean stop. Some people don’t use them because they like to beg a bit, but still know that their point will get across if they want things to stop. Still, others don’t use safewords because they have no intention of expecting mercy. Their cries and screams are real, and they have decided that their Master , knowing they are in pain, how much they are screaming, how their body is reacting (skin welting, etc.) will decide when their punishment is enough. Some 24/7 relationships are like that and there are some slaves, either because of the level of pain they can tolerate or desire, or because of their mindset and pain tolerance, expect nothing but what their master chooses. Slave K would not think of a safeword because she craved as much pain and punishment as I would dish out. Slave M did not use safewords because she trusted I would be reasonable and decided never to question what I chose to do to her. Slave S did not always use safe words because she trusted she could communicate if things were too much and trusted that I would change the intensity level based on this communication. However, sometimes she liked to get into the role and beg and scream so then she liked having a safeword. Slave Kayla used safewords because begging and screaming were a big part of her enjoyment. I found that among submissives, if they got into the role of begging for mercy they wanted the option of safewords. If they were already saying “Please Master, have mercy on your slave bitch, please don’t whip me anymore, please don’t shove that butt plug back in my ass, master these nipple clamps are agony, mercy master.” How could they communicate anything without safewords? Now, K and M, both had decided I could do what I wanted, so they communicated by their real reactions of gasping, grimacing, begging, screaming, crying as well as what I could tell from the marks on their skin. M knew I would eventually show mercy if it seemed she could not take anymore, and K did not care, or even want mercy. For K, knowing I might choose not to stop no matter what she was going for was part of the excitement for her. She knew enough about me to know I was safe, was not going to disfigure or permanently damage her, so to her the only doubt was how much pain I would inflict and for how long and this doubt excited her. For M, it was also the more excited I got punishing her, the more excited she reacted to it. Safewords protect you from being misunderstood when you need something to stop, or at least be reduced. They will not protect you from someone that is dangerous or deaf to your feelings. Therefore, good judgment, gut instinct, trust, and a thorough knowledge of each other are essential to a satisfying and safe exchange of power and control. What are good safewords? You don’t want to use a word likely to come up as part of your scene (mercy, please don’t hurt me master, etc.) so it should be something quite different and noticeable, but it needs to be something familiar enough to remember when you are under a certain amount of stress (favorite colors, animals, places you like, etc. such as RED, CAT, HAWAII, etc. are all good). I think safewords are necessary when you are pushing a slave's limits, consensually, and if the slave and the master enjoy the slave begging then there is no other way to know the slave needs a break, or a reduction in severity. Naturally, safewords don't work well with gags---which I guess should be obvious. Also, if you are staying comfortably within limits, if your slave has no limits, if your slave likes to beg but you can tell when they really mean it, you may not need safewords. If you are not sure if you need them, it never “hurts” to have one (so to speak). In my experience even when we used them, like with slave Kayla, we did not actually use them, we just had them available. She loved to beg and scream and curse with such intensity that I could never have known she needed respite if we did not have a safeword available, but she never actually chose to use it. The closest we probably came was when I tied her hands over her head and used an unfurled bullwhip across her back. When it was completely red and welted I took a shorter quirt and worked on her ass. Once her ass was pretty red I took her hands down and tied her bent over a coffee table with pillows over it. I then caned her ass while she screamed and begged for mercy. When I stopped she probably thought it ws one, but instead I put Japanese clover clamps on her nipples, hung the chain over the edge of the coffee table, then hung 2 pounds of weights from it. While she swore she would do anything for me to end the torture, from sticking her tongue as deep up my ass as she could and thoroughly cleaning my asshole, which she did many times, to begging to use her tongue to clean the toilet bowl and lick the bathroom floor clean after I would cum all over it, which she hated doing and almost never did anything like that, but she never used her safe word. Then I told her the clamps and weight don’t come off until she is paddled 25 strokes with a wooden paddle, she gets fucked in her pussy and ass and I cum in her mouth. She swore she could not take the paddling or the nipple weight for that much longer, but she never used the safeword. She counted each of the 25 strokes of a moderate weight wooden paddle with holes in it, screaming and begging the entire time, then screamed every thrust of my cock in her pussy and ass as it set the clamps and weights swinging. Finally, I pulled out of her ass when I felt ready to cum, then walked around to her face and started to roughly and deeply fuck her mouth while I bent over her and put my hand between her legs and started rubbing her pussy. She was soaking wet and it was a close race to see who would cum first. When I started shooting into her mouth while still working her pussy, she started to cum only moments after I did. Never once did she use her safeword and afterward I asked her if she had forgotten the word, or forgotten about using it, and she said she did not, she simply never felt she needed to use it and was having such a good time even when it hurt as much as she felt she could take, she did not want to end everything prematurely. She said she was glad she did not use it because by the time we were done she had an incredible orgasm and could see we both had a great experience. Sometimes, having a safeword gives you enough confidence not to use it. If we did not have a safeword available for Kayla to use if she really needed, she may have chose to end things too early to avoid things becoming more than she could take and she might be unable to communicate that at that time. So contrary to some things I have heard, in my experience a safeword can allow things to go farther than they might have rather than end them prematurely.